Tag: Forgiveness

Better or Bitter?

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I Rise - Charles Geddes

Be aware of your 2 choices in life – better with gratitude or bitter with complaints.

This Principle is the ultimate key to all the others. Better shines through Gratitude and bitter shows through resentments and unforgiveness. Bitter is a poison to my body. Key remembrance – Be in Gratitude – Pre-Pray your way every day. My ancestors are in Truth heralding me on for my soul evolution. The inquiry: What stories am I carrying forward for world healing?

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
– Nelson Mandela

I have changed the word “bitter shows through “complaints” as the principle originally stated, to resentments and unforgiveness. Those two factors do keep us bound to past pain that blocks our personal freedom and well-being.

No matter what we face at any age – it’s how we choose to rise from our experiences that define our character and what we carry forward!

I believe with every decade of our lives – we live lifetimes. When I view my life from decades – from birth to 10 – 10 to 20 – 20 to 30, and ongoing, my life had quantum changes – dark nights and extraordinary joy, grief and profound love, disappointments and loss and coming to value my growth as the observer and not the judge!

I have done deep work through my years of study and ministry. I honor that have touched lives. I have also carried deep grief, anger and pain that remained in my tissues – literally! (See Angel Howard’s book – Issues in the Tissues – available now.)

The decision to do deeper personal therapy in my 80’s has brought that to the forefront of my awareness.

Though every session of my current therapy is not an intense one, I have experienced profound breakthroughs in releasing resentments, judgments and unforgiveness within myself that I did not know were as deep as they were.

I see Charles in his 80’s more compassionately and I am observing the judgments I made that I see with new clarity and healing insight – about myself and others.

I send forth my prayers for forgiveness to all that I have hurt or injured not only in this lifetime, but through all my soul’s journey. Where I can make amends in this lifetime, I do. Most importantly of all I can genuinely see I made decisions based on what I believed at the time. My beliefs have evolved and changed! Love and forgiveness of myself has been the liberating factor,

I do know depression and a sense of hopelessness – (my suicide attempt in my 20’s) and being in a psyche ward. I do know grief and sadness and an overwhelming sense of loss. (My AIDS support work with the group Together to Grow in the late 80’s – mid 90’s). I do know great disappointments throughout my life, and I also honor how I have risen – no matter what it may have required. My angel guides conveying to me – “Charles, breathe through this time, we have your back and are preparing the way forward for you – we are always with you!”

My capacity to love Charles now is authentic, for I no longer have the need to prove myself. I simply want to share what is in my heart to be and give. My capacity of forgiveness – deeper than ever because I want to cross over into my eternity with a sense of no judgment against anyone or anything in my past.

Two choices – yes, it’s that simple – better or bitter. I choose to look in the mirror and be able to exclaim – Charles, you are getting better!

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Self-Forgiveness – FIRST!

Forgive Yourself Image

Week three of continuing to revisit the 5 Key Principles.

Two key factors regarding forgiveness – the forgiveness of ourselves and of others.

My freedom is remembering that no person, no event, no place, or thing can block the light that I am. My healing is to live from that premise.

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”  – Mark Twain

Please Note:  I am changing the above on our website to reflect the first and most important reality of forgiveness – the forgiveness of self!

Four years ago, those Principles were out of an inquiry within my soul – What were the most important practices I have learned for my own healing and well-being? They are not new – but Universal – and are a way of life for me.

In these most recent years, I have realized the deep unforgiveness I carried within myself and created judgments that I unconsciously placed upon others. Through my recent personal therapy, I have been able to see the pain I carried within my body issues. See the website and book by Angel Howard – who was a keynote at our closing Big Sky Retreat this year.  She is amazing, and I look forward to having her on Mind Your Own Becoming Zoom Programming.

I want to be the observer of this life journey – not the judge and executioner of myself or others. I want to honor the distance I have travelled and see my life in new light, care, and regard. I choose to observe and be accountable for areas I need to own regarding my past and others.

I will add to that, I have taken account of the cruel and self-condemning thoughts I have held against myself through the years that created dark nights and harmful and addictive behavior!

I believe in my 80’s I gained more insight than all my 55 years of ministry combined.

Forgiving is not condoning a generational history of abuse, and the ongoing violence within humanity we see, however, I know the self-condemning  within me and the unforgiveness within my own soul contributes to the world consciousness daily. I choose to love this man Charles as profoundly as I have sought to convey love to others. I choose to convey personal amends wherever I can where hurt has been from my false judgments or behavior.

I want to stand on the Healing Bridge – for myself and all – and live from an inner Peace within my soul that I carry forward daily, without exception for all.

If I am still breathing in this realm my forgiveness is ongoing, I am grateful that I have come to realize doing the healing and forgiving within myself is the most vital of all.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Joy – Accepting the Light and Dark Creates the Authentic You!

Man walking into light tunnel

“Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off a portion of one’s being, but by integration of the contraries.” ― Carl Gustav Jung

Perfection exists – it is our origin. Transcendence and healing, however, only come through the vulnerability to integrate the experiences of this earth journey – the darkness, grief, joy, and triumph. It’s the inner work we do that evolves our soul and benefits all to the reality of Love and Wholeness.

I have recently come to realize the intense shame, guilt, and depth of the feelings of unforgiveness of myself I have held onto.

I have also been able to realize the intense anger within me by reacting to a key word “disappointment.”  I had no idea the deeper pain it revealed. What I took in was that I had disappointed them – and that had nothing to do with what they meant. I recognized in that moment; it was time to do deeper soul and healing work on myself. I have been in the study and practice of – what I now choose to call sacred life force within us all.

“You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.”              
– Aristotle

“An unexamined life is not worth living.”
– Socrates

“Our greatest ability is not in ever failing, but in rising every time you fall.”
– Confucius

From the scam I experienced a year ago and losing a significant amount of money, the impact of the shame, guilt, and feeling I had that I had done something horribly wrong and how stupid I felt has remained. And then the triggers in the past two months of that key word and how I heard it – not what was meant. Being disappointed by someone in something I did throwing me back to “shame on you” and childhood memories of living with a sense of shame for existing as I came into adulthood.

The anger and rage I felt was my own self-loathing – still buried and unresolved.

The revelations through these past 3 years in Montana have been profound:

  1. For the first time in my life, I have not felt driven – regarding taking care of family, friends, church, and others.
  2. With the long winters in MT – there’s nowhere to go but inside – homewise and within oneself.
  3. My remembering – I have come here to do the deeper work on Charles.

I am grateful I have my writing blogs through Mind Your Own Becoming website.

It is a time to put myself first to honor the healing I am here for.

I am here to open to unconditional love for myself and the forgiveness work required for that. I remind all the Joy that emerges when you choose to go deeper and the revelations that occur when you honor – you matter and always have.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Panda – Forever Joy!

Panda, a Terrier/Poodle, pure energy, pure joy, pure unconditional love. Panda was with me until I left Arizona. My mom had moved to Denver, Colorado and was residing in a senior retirement apartment community.

Panda and I bonded deeply. I have never been as aware of how profoundly my dogs impacted my life as I am in my soulful remembrance of them through writing.

Panda had amazing exuberance and excitement whenever I came home. In fact, even when I would go out to empty the trash and return. Panda would be so excited she would jump up and down as though to jump into my arms.

She was a gift of life and happiness to all. Panda was a lap dog and we had sacred moments of love and communion time together. Like all dogs, chasing a ball was prime time play and we had our ball games and toy throwing moments. Panda was in my life to give me unconditional love. I was in deep judgment of feeling I was failing in my ministry. Panda was always there to evidence her joy in my being.

I do believe the angel kingdom brings us our pets. They are to serve a soul purpose for us and to teach us that tender care and regard for them and ourselves is what they are in our lives for.

Panda did have a soul playmate – just as Light and Sebastian were soul linked – so were a shiatsu dog named Chink. Chink was another niece’s dog – (I have 4 nieces). Chink was smaller than Panda but the two of them bonded in playful love and would chase each other around the house until they dropped from exhaustion.

Eternal Love

I never realized how deeply Panda loved me until I left my church in Arizona after 11 years of service. I was returning to California to spend what I thought would be a couple of weeks with a beloved soul sister, Dr. Elizabeth Marshall, and her family, till I found a new life and purpose. I had depleted all I had to give in my years of service, being there for my family, the church and congregation demands, and I had nothing left to give.

I left Panda with my sister and her husband. The adopted family I stepped into had a full house and it turned out I became a male nanny for six children. I returned to Arizona not long after I left for a brief visit. Panda went wild and was thrilled to see me. My heart ached in leaving her behind, but again – circumstances were such I could not bring her back with me. As I was about to return to California, she jumped in the back seat of the car and wouldn’t leave. It took four of us to get her out. That was heart-breaking and the regret I feel for leaving her remains.

I knew I would never have another dog where that would be a reality. That held true. I was 42 when I left Arizona and 40 years later, I wound up with joint custody of a dog named Gus.

Gus is the dog that has entered my life to let me know all my dogs have forgiven me and that I will see them again in Eternity.

Our pets cherish us and do have eternal love for giving them care and love. There’s no measure to the immensity of that love as I am so deeply remembering.

Take a deep breath – in remembrance of your pets – they will feel it wherever they are in Eternity.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

AI image generated by Copilot.

Forgiveness of Self – The Heart of It All

Man on mountain. Getty Images

The third Principle of Mind Your Own Becoming: Remember – forgiveness is an ongoing journey of freedom for you. See MYOB Principle #3.

Forgiveness does not mean condoning abuse, prejudice and the beyond defining brutality in human history, however, in my own journey only the willingness to let go of the immensity of an emotional charge, the event or trauma of whatever occurred can move me forward and upward.

I referenced earlier that I created painful experiences due to the darkness of self-judgment and condemnation. My alcohol addiction only increased that self-loathing. I have had my life threatened more than once. One evening, soon after returning to California, I was the victim of an attack on a dark, stormy night and beaten by four men. I knew intuitively I should not have been out that night. My first thought, realizing they had left me in the street, was pulling myself up before a car could run over me. I thought – this is too embarrassing; I won’t leave this way. I pulled myself up and stumbled into the bar I had left. I had a broken nose, teeth missing and a face that was black and blue. My prayer has always been for those men, that they found pathways to love and were able to create beautiful lives.

A Very Current Insight

The day after that incident when I arrived home after being in the ER overnight, I looked in the mirror and was shocked. I sat down in soulful reflection and began to write. I was receiving a message from my guardian angels and though I have lost the original letter – the heart of the message was:

“Look in the mirror – take it in. See what you are not facing and remember to see yourself as we see you – with unconditional love from your origin. You are not alone – we are always with you, and we lifted you up from that street. We are always there for you.”

I have engaged in therapy for myself here in Montana through a therapeutic process called EMDR.

I came to Montana for the deepest personal healing of my life and self-forgiveness. A profound revelation has occurred from a recent session. Being a spiritual counsellor, I have always put forth to those experiencing violence, rape, and ongoing abuse – it’s not your fault! The potency of the guilt and shame we carry blocks our authentic healings and rising to new freedom.

I finally realized that for me the violent moments in my life were not my fault. I was able to say and feel it – “It wasn’t my fault.” I was a momentary victim of darkness, but I did not have to carry the unrelenting blame of myself for what happened. My immediate response of forgiving those who attacked or threatened me in the past was overdue for me. I deserve that same compassion. I’ve carried that unwarranted guilt and shaming for decades, and it was never mine to carry.

Look at your life journey and realize the importance of self-forgiveness and deep regard for your Being. How we rise to live more aware and value our heart-print upon ourselves and others is our “soul” purpose.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Image: Man on mountain. Getty Images

Forgiveness of Others

The reality of the generational abuse in my family and sensing I took on inherited shame and guilt that never belonged to me impacted my life journey. The intensity behind my desire to make everything okay and better for everyone else is what I have come to realize was a mission I could never achieve. What I can achieve – perceptions of guilt and shame I can personally clear, and open to seeing things I have judged falsely. At the heart of it all – self-forgiveness and forgiveness of others.

After confronting the abuse of my nieces by my sister’s husband in her 2nd marriage, it was an immense process of accepting that she knew but chose not to act on her daughter’s behalf. What was even more disheartening – she remained with her husband.

In future years I did come to understand her choices. I realized the roots of all she did was out of fear. She stayed with her husband at great cost – losing close association with all her grandchildren, except her son’s. Her primal fear, being alone and without support.

Both my sister and brother-in-law have passed on – and in this hour I can say what I want for both is that their journey ongoing is into love and healing. My sister is forever in my heart for precious moments, joy, and laughter we shared before I knew of the abuse. That is all I ever want to carry forward in memory of her. I am enclosing a beautiful piece she wrote before she left that says what was in her heart. My sister’s name was Edie, but her favorite flower was a Daisy, and she signed this letter as “Daisy.”

“The Star”

As the darkness covers the sky, the twinkling lights of the stars begin to shine.
As I stand in awe, and look upward, those shimmering lights become brighter and brighter.

I feel I can reach out and touch those twinkling lights. Like reaching out to touch the lights of God. For each star in heaven must be other souls. For we are all lights of stars If only we would let our light shine,

As I look upward at those shimmering heavens, each in its own place, knowing that each star, each galaxy is telling its own story. My heart aches to be a shining star. Faintly shining yet becoming brighter, part of the heavenly host. And praising God, someday I too shall be very bright and shining for I was and forever shall be.

I am Daisy.

A Moment of Forgiving and Communication from My Sister

Wherever in eternity my sister is, amidst those stars, my singular prayer is that unconditional love is the sole reality. In my move to Montana, I have a new sacred space for my growth and evolution surrounded by a 360-degree view of mountains. Shortly after I moved here while in my wonderful cabin abode, I was deeply contemplating my sister. I wanted to feel her love and embrace of where I am now and that I could sense her acknowledgment of that.

I felt drawn to walk down to the stream around what I call my “Grace Land space” Daisies do not grow wild in this mountain area. As I neared the stream I beheld a single daisy – glorious and beautiful and a butterfly landed on it. I was in amazement at the wonder of this. I knew it was my sister conveying her joy in my new space and work.

Love finds a way; Love always wins, and forgiveness is essential to that reality. Daisies have taken on a more beautiful meaning than ever. I took a picture of that Daisy, and it is now in a beautiful frame in my living room. My sister’s Light is shining here.

As challenging as it may be – my releasing my unforgiveness of my sister’s choices – freed me. I honor what I did in the intervention I had to do. I also know that judgment I never let go of wounds me and creates bitterness. My two choices in life – better or bitter. See MYOB Principle #5.

Look today at where forgiveness of others can free you to move forward to being more kind and lighter.

About the image: A single daisy by a steam: A symbol of Forgiving for me! Learn about the symbolism of daisies.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Forgiveness is an Ongoing Journey of Freedom

I can grow for no one except myself. The first Principle of Mind Your Own Becoming – “Free others to be where they are, not where you want them to be.” Sometimes that is an extremely painful lesson when we so want full healing for those we love. The fourth Principle of MYOB: Remember – Forgiveness Is an Ongoing Journey of Freedom for You.

From my booklet – “Mind Your Own Becoming – Love Wins.”

“In my forties, one of my nieces shared a secret held for years. My brother-in-law had violated one of my nieces from the time she was a young child into her teens, attempted to rape another and threatened another with death if she ever told. I confronted that with all the family, knowing I could not be silent. My sister had one teenage son from that marriage, and I included him in exposing that painful secret. My sister also revealed my birth father had violated her and she kept her relationship with him through his life. I sought to offer support and ongoing counsel for everyone. Nothing turned out as I had prayed. Two factors were heartbreaking to me, my sister knew of the violation and did nothing. She remained with her husband. This shattered family as I had known it.”

My sister’s message that she lived from – you’ll get through it – be silent. The poison in that message is that we don’t just go through it unscathed. We live with that message and base our decisions out of fear and not feeling heard or loved. There’s shame, embarrassment, and anger that “seethes” through the years. It results in acute dysfunction, co-dependence, addictions, and disease and that continues in the next generation.

Acceptance and Forgiveness

My confrontation did not create a magic wand where there was sudden enlightenment and transformation; however, it broke the seal of silence and planted the seed for future generations.

It was also a journey to accept that my sister chose to continue the marriage with my brother-in-law, and it took years for me to find peace with that decision. However, there is a deeper spiritual principle in all our evolvement, and that is to accept someone where they are and not where you would have them be. That acceptance, however, does not mean that I have ever questioned my actions of breaking the silence. There was an immense and painful price involved. I came to realize that abuse shattered my family before I broke the silence. I know also there was a moment of revelation that finally someone was listening.

This has required me to understand the principle of forgiveness on deeper levels and honor the words written earlier, abuse begets abuse. I know my brother-in-law suffered great abuse as a child and never healed those deep wounds. I must have as deep a compassion for his soul journey as I do for every family member. Silence can seal us into victimhood or breaking it can send us on the path of a life lived not out of fear but planting the seeds of healing for ourselves and future generations.

There’s more to come on this subject of Acceptance and Forgiveness – above all for myself. We are living out of fear or love – (Course in Miracles) and Love Wins!

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Silent Agreements

Silent Agreements are what we have lived by, condoned, and often rewarded in our societies and cultures throughout history. They are the silent agreements we make regarding how we define our roles and identity sexually, of how religion defines us, our culture, our race and how we have come to live by those agreements without challenging those that deny our true soul-expression and being.

Silent Agreements are those that maintain silence about abuse, and atrocities. Those agreements create genocides, and they continue the personal abuse on all levels of our societies in families and cultures everywhere. No matter what the authority, be it parental, societal, ethnic, religious, through institutions, governments, or cultures … silent agreements keep us bound to the pain, to the wars, and the violence we continue to condone on our planet. When we hold to that deafening silence future generations pay the price.

Humanity is the most brutal species in acts of abuse, violence, and perpetuating terror of its own kind. The Patriarchal history we hold has perpetuated that reality as it has continually supported Silence and celebrated its crimes against minorities, sexual orientations, and women.

Our Greatest Struggle

In an evolving world with greater potential for enlightenment more than ever before, we still see that violence throughout the globe. Our planet is in its greatest struggle. It is our identity and whether we hold to the old beliefs through our various patriarchal religions, governments, and institutions, that pre-define everyone’s role as opposed to celebrating our diversity out of the Unity we share as humanity. One by one, we can plant the seeds for change and illumination. The impact of that silence is clear. It shatters lives and it creates generational abuse. Silence shattered my family as it has millions of other families and lives.

The Root of All Suffering

What is at the root of all our human suffering …. fear, denial, and ignorance and the only cures: love, acceptance, and forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. We don’t evolve humanity through erasing memories … but we do through enlightenment, compassion, and the truth and rising to stories of empowerment as Victors of this journey and not victims.

Silent Agreements are rooted in keeping us as victims and it has been the world practice to condone and accept “Silent Agreements.” Our suffering is always rooted in fear and ignorance. When we have the courage to speak out – to intervene when we see abuse – we create bridges for others to cross and end the cycles that continue from generation to generation.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is ongoing and has to do with the charge we hold on to past events and how they continue to impact us. There has been generational abuse in my family. I have been gay bashed twice. I came to realize those attacks were rooted in the condemnation and darkness I felt regarding my sexual identity, which requires a separate blog. I have also experienced feeling betrayed and the depth of pain, sadness and anger that emerged from that.

What Forgiveness is Not

Forgiveness is not about finding our way to accept or condone abuse and the inhumanity we behold every day. However, it is about finding empowerment through this life journey and transmuting our pain into action that liberates us and plants the seeds for healing on multiple levels. The work I do on myself can add to the healing worldwide and bring about shifts in how we see one another for a more compassionate world for all.

It is integral to my soul that I have done my best for personal forgiveness on my part wherever I have created wounds and pain upon another. I quote from the 8th and 9th steps of AA.

  • Step 8: Made a list of all the persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them.
  • Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when doing so would injure them or others.

The Most Essential Step in Forgiveness

The most essential step in forgiving is self-forgiveness. Until I realized the depth of my own self condemnation, I continued cycles of darkness that perpetuated my pain and blocked my self-regard and value. We are all born in pure innocence and worthy of love without exception. Our capacity to realize we all have value – without exception – begins with ourselves.

I look forward to the ongoing content to what I offer on Forgiveness. If I am still breathing in this realm, I have forgiveness work to do.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.