Category: Forgiveness

Forgiveness of Self – The Heart of It All

Man on mountain. Getty Images

The third Principle of Mind Your Own Becoming: Remember – forgiveness is an ongoing journey of freedom for you. See MYOB Principle #3.

Forgiveness does not mean condoning abuse, prejudice and the beyond defining brutality in human history, however, in my own journey only the willingness to let go of the immensity of an emotional charge, the event or trauma of whatever occurred can move me forward and upward.

I referenced earlier that I created painful experiences due to the darkness of self-judgment and condemnation. My alcohol addiction only increased that self-loathing. I have had my life threatened more than once. One evening, soon after returning to California, I was the victim of an attack on a dark, stormy night and beaten by four men. I knew intuitively I should not have been out that night. My first thought, realizing they had left me in the street, was pulling myself up before a car could run over me. I thought – this is too embarrassing; I won’t leave this way. I pulled myself up and stumbled into the bar I had left. I had a broken nose, teeth missing and a face that was black and blue. My prayer has always been for those men, that they found pathways to love and were able to create beautiful lives.

A Very Current Insight

The day after that incident when I arrived home after being in the ER overnight, I looked in the mirror and was shocked. I sat down in soulful reflection and began to write. I was receiving a message from my guardian angels and though I have lost the original letter – the heart of the message was:

“Look in the mirror – take it in. See what you are not facing and remember to see yourself as we see you – with unconditional love from your origin. You are not alone – we are always with you, and we lifted you up from that street. We are always there for you.”

I have engaged in therapy for myself here in Montana through a therapeutic process called EMDR.

I came to Montana for the deepest personal healing of my life and self-forgiveness. A profound revelation has occurred from a recent session. Being a spiritual counsellor, I have always put forth to those experiencing violence, rape, and ongoing abuse – it’s not your fault! The potency of the guilt and shame we carry blocks our authentic healings and rising to new freedom.

I finally realized that for me the violent moments in my life were not my fault. I was able to say and feel it – “It wasn’t my fault.” I was a momentary victim of darkness, but I did not have to carry the unrelenting blame of myself for what happened. My immediate response of forgiving those who attacked or threatened me in the past was overdue for me. I deserve that same compassion. I’ve carried that unwarranted guilt and shaming for decades, and it was never mine to carry.

Look at your life journey and realize the importance of self-forgiveness and deep regard for your Being. How we rise to live more aware and value our heart-print upon ourselves and others is our “soul” purpose.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Image: Man on mountain. Getty Images

Forgiveness of Others

The reality of the generational abuse in my family and sensing I took on inherited shame and guilt that never belonged to me impacted my life journey. The intensity behind my desire to make everything okay and better for everyone else is what I have come to realize was a mission I could never achieve. What I can achieve – perceptions of guilt and shame I can personally clear, and open to seeing things I have judged falsely. At the heart of it all – self-forgiveness and forgiveness of others.

After confronting the abuse of my nieces by my sister’s husband in her 2nd marriage, it was an immense process of accepting that she knew but chose not to act on her daughter’s behalf. What was even more disheartening – she remained with her husband.

In future years I did come to understand her choices. I realized the roots of all she did was out of fear. She stayed with her husband at great cost – losing close association with all her grandchildren, except her son’s. Her primal fear, being alone and without support.

Both my sister and brother-in-law have passed on – and in this hour I can say what I want for both is that their journey ongoing is into love and healing. My sister is forever in my heart for precious moments, joy, and laughter we shared before I knew of the abuse. That is all I ever want to carry forward in memory of her. I am enclosing a beautiful piece she wrote before she left that says what was in her heart. My sister’s name was Edie, but her favorite flower was a Daisy, and she signed this letter as “Daisy.”

“The Star”

As the darkness covers the sky, the twinkling lights of the stars begin to shine.
As I stand in awe, and look upward, those shimmering lights become brighter and brighter.

I feel I can reach out and touch those twinkling lights. Like reaching out to touch the lights of God. For each star in heaven must be other souls. For we are all lights of stars If only we would let our light shine,

As I look upward at those shimmering heavens, each in its own place, knowing that each star, each galaxy is telling its own story. My heart aches to be a shining star. Faintly shining yet becoming brighter, part of the heavenly host. And praising God, someday I too shall be very bright and shining for I was and forever shall be.

I am Daisy.

A Moment of Forgiving and Communication from My Sister

Wherever in eternity my sister is, amidst those stars, my singular prayer is that unconditional love is the sole reality. In my move to Montana, I have a new sacred space for my growth and evolution surrounded by a 360-degree view of mountains. Shortly after I moved here while in my wonderful cabin abode, I was deeply contemplating my sister. I wanted to feel her love and embrace of where I am now and that I could sense her acknowledgment of that.

I felt drawn to walk down to the stream around what I call my “Grace Land space” Daisies do not grow wild in this mountain area. As I neared the stream I beheld a single daisy – glorious and beautiful and a butterfly landed on it. I was in amazement at the wonder of this. I knew it was my sister conveying her joy in my new space and work.

Love finds a way; Love always wins, and forgiveness is essential to that reality. Daisies have taken on a more beautiful meaning than ever. I took a picture of that Daisy, and it is now in a beautiful frame in my living room. My sister’s Light is shining here.

As challenging as it may be – my releasing my unforgiveness of my sister’s choices – freed me. I honor what I did in the intervention I had to do. I also know that judgment I never let go of wounds me and creates bitterness. My two choices in life – better or bitter. See MYOB Principle #5.

Look today at where forgiveness of others can free you to move forward to being more kind and lighter.

About the image: A single daisy by a steam: A symbol of Forgiving for me! Learn about the symbolism of daisies.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Forgiveness is an Ongoing Journey of Freedom

I can grow for no one except myself. The first Principle of Mind Your Own Becoming – “Free others to be where they are, not where you want them to be.” Sometimes that is an extremely painful lesson when we so want full healing for those we love. The fourth Principle of MYOB: Remember – Forgiveness Is an Ongoing Journey of Freedom for You.

From my booklet – “Mind Your Own Becoming – Love Wins.”

“In my forties, one of my nieces shared a secret held for years. My brother-in-law had violated one of my nieces from the time she was a young child into her teens, attempted to rape another and threatened another with death if she ever told. I confronted that with all the family, knowing I could not be silent. My sister had one teenage son from that marriage, and I included him in exposing that painful secret. My sister also revealed my birth father had violated her and she kept her relationship with him through his life. I sought to offer support and ongoing counsel for everyone. Nothing turned out as I had prayed. Two factors were heartbreaking to me, my sister knew of the violation and did nothing. She remained with her husband. This shattered family as I had known it.”

My sister’s message that she lived from – you’ll get through it – be silent. The poison in that message is that we don’t just go through it unscathed. We live with that message and base our decisions out of fear and not feeling heard or loved. There’s shame, embarrassment, and anger that “seethes” through the years. It results in acute dysfunction, co-dependence, addictions, and disease and that continues in the next generation.

Acceptance and Forgiveness

My confrontation did not create a magic wand where there was sudden enlightenment and transformation; however, it broke the seal of silence and planted the seed for future generations.

It was also a journey to accept that my sister chose to continue the marriage with my brother-in-law, and it took years for me to find peace with that decision. However, there is a deeper spiritual principle in all our evolvement, and that is to accept someone where they are and not where you would have them be. That acceptance, however, does not mean that I have ever questioned my actions of breaking the silence. There was an immense and painful price involved. I came to realize that abuse shattered my family before I broke the silence. I know also there was a moment of revelation that finally someone was listening.

This has required me to understand the principle of forgiveness on deeper levels and honor the words written earlier, abuse begets abuse. I know my brother-in-law suffered great abuse as a child and never healed those deep wounds. I must have as deep a compassion for his soul journey as I do for every family member. Silence can seal us into victimhood or breaking it can send us on the path of a life lived not out of fear but planting the seeds of healing for ourselves and future generations.

There’s more to come on this subject of Acceptance and Forgiveness – above all for myself. We are living out of fear or love – (Course in Miracles) and Love Wins!

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Stand For Enlightenment

Accountability and Forgiveness

“True forgiveness deals with the past, all the past, to make the future possible. We cannot go on nursing grudges even vicariously for those who cannot speak for themselves any longer. We have to accept that we do what we do for generations past, present and yet to come. That is what makes a community a community or a people a people – for better or for worse.”
– Desmond Mpilo Tutu.

I Am Accountable to Future Generations

I am accountable for what I pass on and how deeply I have come to insight into my own life in forgiving and seeking healing wherever I could. I know my ancestors are cheering me on to see things differently and to own my accountability to the present moment and to future generations.

I have sought to make amends where I recognized the pain that I caused in judgments I see very differently at this time of my life. I also realize my excessive drinking was the root of the darkest moments of my life, as I sought to escape the judgement and condemnation, I held against myself.

Make the Soulful Inquiries

We are living in an illumined time that is requiring we see ourselves profoundly differently. No one has privilege or entitlement above another. There are no others – just us – finding our way to evolve humanity – or not.

We are also in a time that seeing things with accountability individually and collectively means we are open to truthful history and realizing what equity means for all – opportunity without exception. What we do with that equity is everyone’s personal soul journey.

The soulful inquiries I make are not about being the judge and executioner of my own life – rather – the compassionate observer bringing recognition of seeing things in new awareness – forgiving and living from a higher perspective of myself and others.

One simply ongoing inquiry – “What’s mine to be and bring to this day that impacts all with a sense of personal value and respect – above all myself.”

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is ongoing and has to do with the charge we hold on to past events and how they continue to impact us. There has been generational abuse in my family. I have been gay bashed twice. I came to realize those attacks were rooted in the condemnation and darkness I felt regarding my sexual identity, which requires a separate blog. I have also experienced feeling betrayed and the depth of pain, sadness and anger that emerged from that.

What Forgiveness is Not

Forgiveness is not about finding our way to accept or condone abuse and the inhumanity we behold every day. However, it is about finding empowerment through this life journey and transmuting our pain into action that liberates us and plants the seeds for healing on multiple levels. The work I do on myself can add to the healing worldwide and bring about shifts in how we see one another for a more compassionate world for all.

It is integral to my soul that I have done my best for personal forgiveness on my part wherever I have created wounds and pain upon another. I quote from the 8th and 9th steps of AA.

  • Step 8: Made a list of all the persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them.
  • Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when doing so would injure them or others.

The Most Essential Step in Forgiveness

The most essential step in forgiving is self-forgiveness. Until I realized the depth of my own self condemnation, I continued cycles of darkness that perpetuated my pain and blocked my self-regard and value. We are all born in pure innocence and worthy of love without exception. Our capacity to realize we all have value – without exception – begins with ourselves.

I look forward to the ongoing content to what I offer on Forgiveness. If I am still breathing in this realm, I have forgiveness work to do.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.