Forgiveness of Self – The Heart of It All

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The third Principle of Mind Your Own Becoming: Remember – forgiveness is an ongoing journey of freedom for you. See MYOB Principle #3.

Forgiveness does not mean condoning abuse, prejudice and the beyond defining brutality in human history, however, in my own journey only the willingness to let go of the immensity of an emotional charge, the event or trauma of whatever occurred can move me forward and upward.

I referenced earlier that I created painful experiences due to the darkness of self-judgment and condemnation. My alcohol addiction only increased that self-loathing. I have had my life threatened more than once. One evening, soon after returning to California, I was the victim of an attack on a dark, stormy night and beaten by four men. I knew intuitively I should not have been out that night. My first thought, realizing they had left me in the street, was pulling myself up before a car could run over me. I thought – this is too embarrassing; I won’t leave this way. I pulled myself up and stumbled into the bar I had left. I had a broken nose, teeth missing and a face that was black and blue. My prayer has always been for those men, that they found pathways to love and were able to create beautiful lives.

A Very Current Insight

The day after that incident when I arrived home after being in the ER overnight, I looked in the mirror and was shocked. I sat down in soulful reflection and began to write. I was receiving a message from my guardian angels and though I have lost the original letter – the heart of the message was:

“Look in the mirror – take it in. See what you are not facing and remember to see yourself as we see you – with unconditional love from your origin. You are not alone – we are always with you, and we lifted you up from that street. We are always there for you.”

I have engaged in therapy for myself here in Montana through a therapeutic process called EMDR.

I came to Montana for the deepest personal healing of my life and self-forgiveness. A profound revelation has occurred from a recent session. Being a spiritual counsellor, I have always put forth to those experiencing violence, rape, and ongoing abuse – it’s not your fault! The potency of the guilt and shame we carry blocks our authentic healings and rising to new freedom.

I finally realized that for me the violent moments in my life were not my fault. I was able to say and feel it – “It wasn’t my fault.” I was a momentary victim of darkness, but I did not have to carry the unrelenting blame of myself for what happened. My immediate response of forgiving those who attacked or threatened me in the past was overdue for me. I deserve that same compassion. I’ve carried that unwarranted guilt and shaming for decades, and it was never mine to carry.

Look at your life journey and realize the importance of self-forgiveness and deep regard for your Being. How we rise to live more aware and value our heart-print upon ourselves and others is our “soul” purpose.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Image: Man on mountain. Getty Images

Forgiveness of Others

The reality of the generational abuse in my family and sensing I took on inherited shame and guilt that never belonged to me impacted my life journey. The intensity behind my desire to make everything okay and better for everyone else is what I have come to realize was a mission I could never achieve. What I can achieve – perceptions of guilt and shame I can personally clear, and open to seeing things I have judged falsely. At the heart of it all – self-forgiveness and forgiveness of others.

After confronting the abuse of my nieces by my sister’s husband in her 2nd marriage, it was an immense process of accepting that she knew but chose not to act on her daughter’s behalf. What was even more disheartening – she remained with her husband.

In future years I did come to understand her choices. I realized the roots of all she did was out of fear. She stayed with her husband at great cost – losing close association with all her grandchildren, except her son’s. Her primal fear, being alone and without support.

Both my sister and brother-in-law have passed on – and in this hour I can say what I want for both is that their journey ongoing is into love and healing. My sister is forever in my heart for precious moments, joy, and laughter we shared before I knew of the abuse. That is all I ever want to carry forward in memory of her. I am enclosing a beautiful piece she wrote before she left that says what was in her heart. My sister’s name was Edie, but her favorite flower was a Daisy, and she signed this letter as “Daisy.”

“The Star”

As the darkness covers the sky, the twinkling lights of the stars begin to shine.
As I stand in awe, and look upward, those shimmering lights become brighter and brighter.

I feel I can reach out and touch those twinkling lights. Like reaching out to touch the lights of God. For each star in heaven must be other souls. For we are all lights of stars If only we would let our light shine,

As I look upward at those shimmering heavens, each in its own place, knowing that each star, each galaxy is telling its own story. My heart aches to be a shining star. Faintly shining yet becoming brighter, part of the heavenly host. And praising God, someday I too shall be very bright and shining for I was and forever shall be.

I am Daisy.

A Moment of Forgiving and Communication from My Sister

Wherever in eternity my sister is, amidst those stars, my singular prayer is that unconditional love is the sole reality. In my move to Montana, I have a new sacred space for my growth and evolution surrounded by a 360-degree view of mountains. Shortly after I moved here while in my wonderful cabin abode, I was deeply contemplating my sister. I wanted to feel her love and embrace of where I am now and that I could sense her acknowledgment of that.

I felt drawn to walk down to the stream around what I call my “Grace Land space” Daisies do not grow wild in this mountain area. As I neared the stream I beheld a single daisy – glorious and beautiful and a butterfly landed on it. I was in amazement at the wonder of this. I knew it was my sister conveying her joy in my new space and work.

Love finds a way; Love always wins, and forgiveness is essential to that reality. Daisies have taken on a more beautiful meaning than ever. I took a picture of that Daisy, and it is now in a beautiful frame in my living room. My sister’s Light is shining here.

As challenging as it may be – my releasing my unforgiveness of my sister’s choices – freed me. I honor what I did in the intervention I had to do. I also know that judgment I never let go of wounds me and creates bitterness. My two choices in life – better or bitter. See MYOB Principle #5.

Look today at where forgiveness of others can free you to move forward to being more kind and lighter.

About the image: A single daisy by a steam: A symbol of Forgiving for me! Learn about the symbolism of daisies.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Forgiveness is an Ongoing Journey of Freedom

I can grow for no one except myself. The first Principle of Mind Your Own Becoming – “Free others to be where they are, not where you want them to be.” Sometimes that is an extremely painful lesson when we so want full healing for those we love. The fourth Principle of MYOB: Remember – Forgiveness Is an Ongoing Journey of Freedom for You.

From my booklet – “Mind Your Own Becoming – Love Wins.”

“In my forties, one of my nieces shared a secret held for years. My brother-in-law had violated one of my nieces from the time she was a young child into her teens, attempted to rape another and threatened another with death if she ever told. I confronted that with all the family, knowing I could not be silent. My sister had one teenage son from that marriage, and I included him in exposing that painful secret. My sister also revealed my birth father had violated her and she kept her relationship with him through his life. I sought to offer support and ongoing counsel for everyone. Nothing turned out as I had prayed. Two factors were heartbreaking to me, my sister knew of the violation and did nothing. She remained with her husband. This shattered family as I had known it.”

My sister’s message that she lived from – you’ll get through it – be silent. The poison in that message is that we don’t just go through it unscathed. We live with that message and base our decisions out of fear and not feeling heard or loved. There’s shame, embarrassment, and anger that “seethes” through the years. It results in acute dysfunction, co-dependence, addictions, and disease and that continues in the next generation.

Acceptance and Forgiveness

My confrontation did not create a magic wand where there was sudden enlightenment and transformation; however, it broke the seal of silence and planted the seed for future generations.

It was also a journey to accept that my sister chose to continue the marriage with my brother-in-law, and it took years for me to find peace with that decision. However, there is a deeper spiritual principle in all our evolvement, and that is to accept someone where they are and not where you would have them be. That acceptance, however, does not mean that I have ever questioned my actions of breaking the silence. There was an immense and painful price involved. I came to realize that abuse shattered my family before I broke the silence. I know also there was a moment of revelation that finally someone was listening.

This has required me to understand the principle of forgiveness on deeper levels and honor the words written earlier, abuse begets abuse. I know my brother-in-law suffered great abuse as a child and never healed those deep wounds. I must have as deep a compassion for his soul journey as I do for every family member. Silence can seal us into victimhood or breaking it can send us on the path of a life lived not out of fear but planting the seeds of healing for ourselves and future generations.

There’s more to come on this subject of Acceptance and Forgiveness – above all for myself. We are living out of fear or love – (Course in Miracles) and Love Wins!

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

The Seeds of Transcendent Love

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There is nothing more precious than the birth of a child. That original innocence is sacred to behold. No one is “born into sin.” We are here for good purpose for the blessing of all humanity through how we have lived together. The seeds of Transcendent Love are within every new birth.

Heaven and Hell

The word heaven is from the Greek word – Ouranos – and references expansion. It references looking to the sky. Open minds enable us to see things from a higher view – “look to the sky.”

One of the root words of Hell – “Helan” – refers to covering up – and being unable to see light or Truth. We’ve done an impressive job of hell on earth with our beliefs in separation through race, cultures, governments, and religions that keep us apart and warring. What a revelation if we did realize we are all One from the same star stuff. How might that expand our views? We can come to treasure diversity as Mother Nature reveals to us the wonder of it.

We have seen evidence of heaven on earth through what we can achieve as we honor the inherent gifts of art, writing, creativity, and the multi-talents that dwell within us. The Mystics have shared what we can achieve in realizing compassion, love, and regard for one another.

Humanity (to this point) has loved to segregate, disenfranchise, label, and condemn those who aren’t “normal” as to how various views of how God created us to be. I don’t believe God created me to be “normal.”

A Personal Reflection of God

My belief of God: The originating Principle of Life. The galaxies evidence that it contains energy; intelligence, is life producing and ongoing creativity. It is also clear that our thoughts have power. They are a part of that creative impulse. The energy around thoughts of love and hate are tangible and impact all life. We do create heaven or hell on earth and understanding that Truth we can realize – only all of us together can see a new expanding vision of our world where we do treasure every sacred newborn for good purpose and planting seeds for Transcendent Love for all of us.

I choose to keep expanding my vision of the wonder of life and the potential within all to awaken to the joy of their own being. What a world we can create for future generations to awaken to. The only thing love is meant to be about is compassion, enlightenment, and transformation as we are all free to explore our uniqueness and the gift, we are here to bring to one another. The seeds of Transcendent Love exist in every new birth – and how we nurture that new being is a sacred charge as parents and as a society.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Moments

Transcendental Moments create the Remembrance within us that we are One. There is something universal that when felt and sensed impacts our lives in ways that move us to a higher awareness and value of ourselves and all around us. I share a writing of a reflection on “Moments” that I realize held within them, the opportunity of Transcendence. I honor all who have touched me with those sacred “Moments” that are in my heart and soul.

“Moments”

There are those Moments when I know I have experienced LOVE — the LOVE that will sustain me and carry me through a dark night, and the LOVE that magnifies my times of JOY.

It is the LOVE I feel as the rays of the sun burst through the clouds. It is LOVE that has come from brief exchanges, but when someone has gone out of their way to come through for me.

It is a friend’s gift of simply listening, and it is also LOVE that has enabled that friend to say what I most needed to hear, perhaps when I least wanted to hear it. It is the LOVE that I reflect upon over the years, and I realize how integral a part of my life someone has become, and how he or she has contributed to my most beautiful and profound memories.

There are those Moments when I realize this LOVE knows no time or absence and though life’s realities or events may have separated us, this person is as near as the beat of my heart, and when I bring them to mind, there is warmth and joy. It is in those Moments I acknowledge how LOVE sustains me be it family, friends, or simply a “Moment” with someone I may not meet again.

There are the Moments when I meet someone for the “first time” and deep within I know there is a reunion of a friendship of lifetimes ago. Through these “Moments” of Remembrance, I create a collage of LOVE of people, places, and events. I realize what a blessing it is to have lived the life I have, for through it I have deepened my understanding and compassion for myself and others. With grief and loss, joy, and triumph, I know LOVE is the origin of all and LOVE is my destination. However brief, however long, everyone and everything is a part of my heart’s collage,

Please take time to remember those “Moments” that can, in Truth, lift us to “Transcendence” – valuing this gift of Life.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

The Core of Silent Agreements

One by one we can build healing bridges, from heart to heart, so that future generations stand for enlightenment, and we no longer validate and support silence that smothers the human spirit.

Here is my definition of Silent Agreements.

“Silent Agreements are anything that have deeply wounded and blocked the true expression of the human soul and that perpetuate abuse and untruths generationally.

Every culture, nation, race, religion, family, and individual have accountability for what we carry forward. Abuse begets abuse until someone says “enough.”

The Seeds of All Disease

Silent agreements are anything but silent in their impact upon our body, and emotions. They block our capacity for intimacy and healthy relationships. They envelope us in the emotional quicksand of doubt, judgment, and fear.

Disease may appear to be about the physical., however, let the trauma of pain, abuse, and wounds remain long enough they become the seeds of all disease. “Silent Agreements” release poison and toxin into the human psyche.

There are tools in which to “build the healing bridges” where we are no longer bound by our fears. We can learn to step out of the ignorance we have condoned. Silence and time do not heal wounds … it seals them, until we are willing to face them.

Silence Maintains the Walking Wounded

We are only the walking wounded in our silence. Confronting, and dealing with our past enables us to be the Victor of the journey, not the victim. Being a victim is a moment … it’s not meant to be a lifetime practice. Being the Victor is our soul’s intent. Our heroes and heroines are the ones who have shown us the way to rise and be the Victorious Spirit no matter what they have had to move through. They have not been silent.

The pattern of silence in abuse becomes the “norm” and accepted way of living with it, and the abuse and silence continue. As children we are innocent of our feelings and thoughts. Our early beliefs, religious exposure, societies, and cultures can bring us into the acceptance of conformity and pre-defined roles. We are not to question the validity of our true feelings and expression.

I Am Born into Pre-Packed Roles

The human soul is not “pre-packaged” and pre-defined. We are artists … here to explore, discover, create, and realize we are all connected. We have evolved (somewhat) from our primal roots of mere survival. In the process we have sought to define our reason for being.

The human soul is unique and complex. Every newborn is a fresh start on humanity, on purpose, and compassion. Our early years and the impact of the collective world consciousness create how we see ourselves.

My generation believed in Silence regarding abuse. Though we had the illusion of all humanity existing as family, the reality was there are always “others” those with great privilege – those not, those that are “saved” in the right faith, and those doomed to hell. Abuse and violence are the “norm” for humanity – accept it!

We are now in a world that is breaking the molds of Silence and roles that are pre-defined. There are no “others” just all of us seeking what it is to have the right to authentically “Be.” Rooted in that Being – Love and Compassion for all without exception. Violence and abuse do not have to be the world we inherit. That’s a quantum leap of redefining our humanity and not warring with one another. Stand for enlightenment and the right to discover – we are all ONE and we all matter.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Grief Rooted in the Depth of Love

I want to share a personal reflection that has given me countless “moments” of recalling Transcendental Love.

The ongoing reality of our earth journey encompasses overwhelming grief and loss.

My 50+ years as a Minister in New Thought and founding in the late 80’s into the mid 90’s a non-profit HIV Support Group called “Together to Grow” (TTG) I have encompassed immense grief, personally and collectively.

I’m placing this sharing under “Transcendental Love” because at the root of our deepest grief is the reality of that love.

Deep grief never leaves us; however, it can be the way we move on to meaningful purpose to honor that love.

A TIMELESS MOMENT

I’ve had the JOY of being a founder of a spiritual retreat – now called the Big Sky Retreat in Montana, formerly Grand Teton Retreat – now in its 48th year.

During the late 80’s to mid-90’s of the AIDS epidemic, I was able to bring beloved friends from my TTG group to Wyoming and the Grand Tetons. It was miraculous that this was able to happen. We had rented a van, and we were driving through Yellowstone, laughing, and feeling the depth of our love being together. We were absorbing the wonder of the buffalo and the beauty around us. Suddenly, my soul brother and co-founder of TTG, David, began to weep uncontrollably. We were all silenced as he was in the front seat and those of us in the back put our hands upon his shoulders.

“David, what’s wrong, what’s going on?” as we sought to calm him. After he gained control he said simply, “We’re together and this is so beautiful, I’m so grateful.” I’ll never forget that moment. I said farewell to cherished friends through those years, including David. TTG dissolved after the depth of losses we experienced, and there was no way to continue.

My grief throughout that time was in seeing so many younger than myself leaving this plane and that I was still here! What I have come to know is that their love and that “Transcendental Moment” has been integral to what has carried me on throughout my life.

From Kahili Gibran on Joy and Sorrow

“Then a woman said, Speak to us of joy and sorrow.

And he answered:
“Your joy is your sorrow unmasked,
And the self-same joy from which your laughter rises, was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper the sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”

Our grief and loss do contain joy and sorrow – and the remembrance of love is what moves us on. Find good purpose in our own moving on!

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Stand For Enlightenment

Accountability and Forgiveness

“True forgiveness deals with the past, all the past, to make the future possible. We cannot go on nursing grudges even vicariously for those who cannot speak for themselves any longer. We have to accept that we do what we do for generations past, present and yet to come. That is what makes a community a community or a people a people – for better or for worse.”
– Desmond Mpilo Tutu.

I Am Accountable to Future Generations

I am accountable for what I pass on and how deeply I have come to insight into my own life in forgiving and seeking healing wherever I could. I know my ancestors are cheering me on to see things differently and to own my accountability to the present moment and to future generations.

I have sought to make amends where I recognized the pain that I caused in judgments I see very differently at this time of my life. I also realize my excessive drinking was the root of the darkest moments of my life, as I sought to escape the judgement and condemnation, I held against myself.

Make the Soulful Inquiries

We are living in an illumined time that is requiring we see ourselves profoundly differently. No one has privilege or entitlement above another. There are no others – just us – finding our way to evolve humanity – or not.

We are also in a time that seeing things with accountability individually and collectively means we are open to truthful history and realizing what equity means for all – opportunity without exception. What we do with that equity is everyone’s personal soul journey.

The soulful inquiries I make are not about being the judge and executioner of my own life – rather – the compassionate observer bringing recognition of seeing things in new awareness – forgiving and living from a higher perspective of myself and others.

One simply ongoing inquiry – “What’s mine to be and bring to this day that impacts all with a sense of personal value and respect – above all myself.”

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Silent Agreements

Silent Agreements are what we have lived by, condoned, and often rewarded in our societies and cultures throughout history. They are the silent agreements we make regarding how we define our roles and identity sexually, of how religion defines us, our culture, our race and how we have come to live by those agreements without challenging those that deny our true soul-expression and being.

Silent Agreements are those that maintain silence about abuse, and atrocities. Those agreements create genocides, and they continue the personal abuse on all levels of our societies in families and cultures everywhere. No matter what the authority, be it parental, societal, ethnic, religious, through institutions, governments, or cultures … silent agreements keep us bound to the pain, to the wars, and the violence we continue to condone on our planet. When we hold to that deafening silence future generations pay the price.

Humanity is the most brutal species in acts of abuse, violence, and perpetuating terror of its own kind. The Patriarchal history we hold has perpetuated that reality as it has continually supported Silence and celebrated its crimes against minorities, sexual orientations, and women.

Our Greatest Struggle

In an evolving world with greater potential for enlightenment more than ever before, we still see that violence throughout the globe. Our planet is in its greatest struggle. It is our identity and whether we hold to the old beliefs through our various patriarchal religions, governments, and institutions, that pre-define everyone’s role as opposed to celebrating our diversity out of the Unity we share as humanity. One by one, we can plant the seeds for change and illumination. The impact of that silence is clear. It shatters lives and it creates generational abuse. Silence shattered my family as it has millions of other families and lives.

The Root of All Suffering

What is at the root of all our human suffering …. fear, denial, and ignorance and the only cures: love, acceptance, and forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. We don’t evolve humanity through erasing memories … but we do through enlightenment, compassion, and the truth and rising to stories of empowerment as Victors of this journey and not victims.

Silent Agreements are rooted in keeping us as victims and it has been the world practice to condone and accept “Silent Agreements.” Our suffering is always rooted in fear and ignorance. When we have the courage to speak out – to intervene when we see abuse – we create bridges for others to cross and end the cycles that continue from generation to generation.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

Shame and Guilt

Shame and Guilt

Shame and guilt go together. I learned shame early on with an unconscious mantra – “Shame on you.” Shame can be something we carry through our lives and never address. Early on we learn guilt and shame in religious paths that are meant to be about enlightenment.

PRE-DEFINED ROLES

We are born into pre-defined roles. Shame and guilt can emerge for not living those roles as society prescribes them. As I grew through adolescence my sense of shame and guilt became the root of overwhelming sorrow and pain as the complexity of my sexuality continued to deepen.

I entered ministry because I felt if I did enough good for others I could make up for the shame and guilt I had for being born in the wrong body and the complexity of emotions around that.

Shame and guilt can also be the root of how easily we fall prey to emotional manipulation that brings up all those feelings of inadequacy of doing something wrong when we have not!

I inherited guilt and shame, and I am the only one who can free what has not been mine to carry. Guilt has a place to make amends where it is a soul healing factor for self and others. Individual and collective shame is when we do not take accountability for what we are passing on to future generations when we could awaken and be aware. I choose not to pass on shame but accountability through how I live my life now.

VICTORY IS

My personal victory is when I no longer feel shame for the soul I am meant to be and can look in the mirror and genuinely feel love for who I see.

Clearing that learned shame opens my heart and mind to live a life of integrity, authenticity, and self-regard for myself and others. Shame not addressed, creates only darkness and behaviors that keep us in judgment of ourselves and others and at war with life itself.

I will be addressing more on these posts on shame and guilt. There is a great healing catharsis in my sharing.

Monthly Theme and Weekly Speakers.

Every month, we take the Key Principles of MYOB and put them into practice in our lives. Looking at the deeper call before us — What are we each to “Be” to bring about societal change through our soul evolution in ways that establish justice, love, and care for all – without exception. Please join us weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. EDT for our virtual program.

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